Starting a conversation with your aging parents about their finances and long-term care planning can be daunting and even uncomfortable. These are deeply personal topics, and it's natural to worry about overstepping or just not knowing how to begin. Starting these conversations now can prevent confusion and conflict later.
Many adult children hesitate to bring up this subject out of fear of overstepping, making their parents uncomfortable, or even seeming greedy. Often, though, parents are aware that planning is necessary; they just might not know where to begin or feel overwhelmed by what they don’t know. Framing the conversation as supportive rather than controlling can help. For instance, you might share that you’ve started your own planning or bring up a recent article or event that made you think about the future. Let them know you are not asking for personal financial details, but rather want to make sure their wishes are known and can be honored.
Choosing the right moment can help keep the conversation relaxed. Avoid family holidays; instead, look for a quiet weekend or other time with less going on. You don’t need to cover everything in one sitting. In fact, spacing out the conversation can be better as it gives your parents time to reflect on their preferences and come back to you with their questions or concerns.
Once the conversation begins, you’ll want to discuss a few key topics. Start by asking whether your parents have any estate planning documents in place, such as a will, power of attorney, or advance directive for healthcare. These are the foundation of any solid estate plan. If these documents are already in place, ask whether they have been reviewed recently or need updating. If nothing has been prepared yet, offer to help them connect with an estate planning attorney who can guide them through the process.
You should also discuss basic logistics such as where important documents are kept, whether anyone knows the passwords to online accounts, and who their financial or legal advisors are. The goal is not necessarily to get into the details of their finances, but to help them organize information so that it is accessible when needed. It might be worth encouraging them to keep a list of important documents and their account information as long as it is secure. Common storage options include a locked drawer, safe, or digital password manager.
Additionally, you’ll want to discuss long-term care. This is one of the toughest topics; many people have very strong feelings about what kind of care they would (or would not) want. Ask your parents what kind of care they would prefer if they could no longer live independently. Would they want to stay at home with assistance, move to a continuing care community, or consider other options? Many families can be caught off guard by the costs of care. An estate planning attorney can help you to know your options and form a plan to make the preferred option work.
Of course, any of these topics may be met with some resistance. Some parents may dismissively say, “Don’t worry about that,” or insist that they “don’t want to be a burden.” In those moments, it helps to emphasize that your concern is about honoring their wishes and making sure no one is left guessing in an emergency. You can also suggest a meeting with a financial advisor or attorney. Having a professional available to answer questions may help. Depending on the family dynamics, it might make sense to involve siblings or other close family members in this process.
With a considerate approach, you can support your parents in making informed decisions and ensure their wishes are honored, while also reducing confusion and extra stress in the future. Talking about finances and long-term care planning may not be easy, but it is a loving and practical step to take. Knowing your parents’ wishes will help protect their dignity and independence, and it will ultimately give them greater peace of mind. If your family has questions or needs to form a more specific plan, consider reaching out to an estate planning attorney who can provide guidance for your specific situation.